There are no words to describe…The Vegan McPizza

Vegan McPizza

Yes, your father is Insane!!

My wife and baby girl have been gone only 6 days and I have officially lost it.  What do you expect me to do with 3 boys and a house to ourselves…hold my composure?  And anyway, it’s my wife’s fault.  About a year ago, she emails me this link – The McPizza.  My first thought, naturally, was – ‘I wonder if I could make a vegan version of this.’  My wife’s thought…’That’s just gross {pretty much} and you’re crazy {yes}; and if you do…{insert whatever wifely threat comes after those opening words}.  But hey, another child later, I think it’s safe that she won’t see this post and decide there is no saving me and run for the hills…which she tried numerous times before we got married.  The blessed thing for me is that she couldn’t run that fast.

But hey, I see tons of recipes on TV, online, in books and get inspired.  That’s what I love to do…the kitchen has become my creative zone.   Whether the recipe is intended for the evil carnivores or not,  I create new vegan meals.  But this one might offend my vegan community, especially the militant vegans…you know who you are…cursing me for eating “meat substitutes” and watching Bobby Flay grill some pork tenderloin without the “that is absolutely disgusting!” look on my face.  Well my palate hasn’t developed to the point that raw ravioli with thin sliced zucchini noodles and cold sun-dried tomato sauce is all that good…and it certainly is not ravioli…sorry.  As for Bobby Flay…the guy can flat out cook and anyone can learn by his spice and flavor combinations.

Well, back to the task at hand…Ladies and Gentlemen, Carnivores and Vegans, I give you…vegan shock and awe…The Vegan McPizza.

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees.

The “meat substitutes”:

The cast

Some Trader Joe’s Soy Nuggets, Ore Ida Fries and Boca Vegan Patties.  Cook all according to their instructions on the box.  For the Boca burgers, cook and assemble on a bun with ketchup and Vegenaise (I added some grilled onions to mine as well). Also, you’ll need to make some creamy soy cheese.  See the link for Simple Vegan Pizza and follow the recipe.


Lay out your pre-made crust.  There are several kinds at your local health food store…pick according to your preference.

rub me the right way

Rub 1 tablespoon of olive oil evenly over the surface of the crust and sprinkle with granulated garlic.

TJ's sauce

Pick your tomato sauce…As you see, I am using Trader Joe’s Tomato Basil Marinara, which is actually quite good on it’s own.  I have become a tomato sauce snob over the years and usually prefer to make my own.  However, for this monstrosity of a meal, we will keep the sauce simple.


Slather some sauce around…light or heavy…you decide, this recipe is interactive.

Now, let the adventure begin!!

Add the nuggets

Add the nuggets, covering 1/3 of the pizza.  Next…

boca, boca baby

Add your assembled Boca burgers to another third of the pizza.  I am using 3, however smaller sized crusts may only need 2.  Are you drooling or shaking your head in disgust!  I’m partial.

Hey fries

Now the fries to  the last third.  Yes, I’m speechless too.

View from above

A tantalizing view from above.

you're cheesy

Add your creamy soy cheese liberally to the Vegan McAwesomeness.


All cheesed up and ready to go into your 425 degree preheated oven for 15 minutes.

cheesy closeup

A little pre-cooked cheesy close up.

fresh out the oven

McWhaaaaatt!  Fresh out of the oven!


Wow…look at those McMountains of Vegan McFabulousness!!!

Only one thing left to do…


Slice and Eat!!  Your little ‘ole pizza cutter won’t get though this terrain, so use a good sized kitchen knife. The results…8 slices of unique pizza wonderfulness.

The boys each took a different route…

Middle Man's pie

The Middle Man choose a half burger, half fry piece with a tip of nugget.  I had him pegged for a nugget, fry piece…the chef isn’t always right, I guess.

Little Z's pie

Little Z went for the gut-busting half burger, half nugget piece.  Good luck my son, may the vegan force be with you.

Little prince's pie

Ah yes, the Prince who thought he was King.  As expected of an almost 3 year old…an all fry piece.

This Vegan McPizza is very filling, so it will only take a piece, maybe two, to fill you up…and I mean fill.  I daringly went for two pieces…a half burger, half fry and a half burger, half nugget.  {Ooh, I just heard my wife cringe}  I was stuffed!!  In fact, I couldn’t move until after Derek Fisher bricked that last second 3-pointer.

The flavors were all actually quite good.  The tomato sauce and cheese go well with all 3 toppings by themselves…chicken parmesan, cheese fries w/ marinara dipping sauce, a pizza burger.  But all combined on a pizza…Vegan McMagic!  This is a great pizza for the family, especially the children.  It was certainly a hit with my boys and I guarantee after reading this, the Vegan McPizza is the first thing my wife will want me to make when she gets back.  Well, maybe not…she’ll probably just slap me upside me head {but, secretly, she wants to try it…I just know it}.

Happy boys

Make your Vegan McPizza this weekend…it results in smiles and happy children…and a full belly.  What else could you want?

Now, that’s good eatin’!

Nahum St. Martin

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18 comments on “There are no words to describe…The Vegan McPizza”

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  2. Chrissy Cogswell

    I just came home from Delicious cafe with my very own container of your pepper jack cheese, and Ive got to tell you- I am floored.

    I cant even tell you how excited I am by your product, it is amazing!! Thank you so much for finally offering a vegan cheese that has taste, melts, and doesnt taste like plastic!! I am overjoyed.

    Im also pretty excited about all the great recipes that you have here- I promise, Ill be making a good number of them myself (although, sadly, probably not the Vegan McPizza! Amazing execution, though!)

    Thank you thank you thank you thank you 🙂

  3. Lucé Tomlin-Brenner

    Hi there! A friend of mine sent me a link to this post as she thought it might inspire me. It did, and while I have yet to actually make this amazing meal, I did write about your experience and link to your site on my new food/humor blog What We Eat Is Laughable. Only a few weeks old, it has a small but mighty readership. I hope the post inspires more people to visit here, it’s a great site! Thanks!

  4. Nuclear Toast

    Wow, nice, nahum! I’ll have to give this version a try, as my girlfriend is vegetarian and not too partial to my original version. *grin*

  5. Desdemona

    Whoa. I mean, seriously…that is the craziest thing I have ever seen; I’m honestly torn between horror and temptation!! It’s exactly the kind of quixotic enterprise I most admire, where you suddenly get it in your head to veganize something you would probably ever have considered eating back in your omnivore days. Sir, I salute you.

  6. Christopher

    that looks completely disgusting. I’d love a slice.

  7. Pingback: Vegan McPizza « TOO MUCH APPLE PIE

  8. Chuck

    I can honestly say that although I knew being a vegan didn’t necessarily equal ‘healthy’ this proves beyond a doubt that even vegans can take delicious, healthy soy, seitan, tomato and flour products and turn them into easily 5000 calories… I’m partially disgusted and somehow wanting a slice?

  9. Avigael


    wat in the world is wrong wit u?
    never should u have made this!!!
    it looks disgusting! ema laviyah
    never leave him home alone again…seriously

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  12. CYoFC

    This is absolutely, positively, AMAZING. I would totally eat this! Maybe I will make it for our next potluck…

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